Contact lenses

"Then someone had the bright idea of comparing Gonzales' first appearance in the records with someone who disappeared about the same time.

After many false leads we hit on the Ganesvoort person and everything fell into place.

Even the fingerprints match.""We are at a loss as to why Mr.

Ganesvoort did this." said the expert.

"But, we will get to the bottom of this before it is over.

Right now, we believe he was buried as a 'worm' or 'mole' by a foreign government to infiltrate our government through Texas.

We suspect that somehow the Israeli security services may be involved since they have the history of this kind of thing.

In any event, Mr.

Ganesvoort has been taken into custody and shipped to Guantanamo prison.

He will be held there incommunicado indefinitely as an Unlawful Enemy Combatant until we get to the bottom of this.""I don't think our Mr.

'Gonzales' should ever count on seeing the light of day again." The story above is a satire or parody.

It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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A well-aimed bullet would have stopped Cho.

But gun-free zones are not the only areas in need of reclamation.

The concept of the individual as a responsible, self-determining agent is the foundation of a free society.

Liberty requires that psychiatric mumbo-jumbo not be allowed to oust morality.

Related special offer: "Guns, Freedom, and Terrorism" Ilana Mercer is the author of "Broad Sides: One Woman’s Clash With A Corrupt Culture." She is also an analyst and blogger-at-large for Free-Market News Network.

To learn more about her work, and to contribute to Barely A Blog, visit IlanaMercer.com.

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Was working out at the campus gym.

Had been getting up really early recently.

The investigators scoured Mr.

Cho's room for evidence.

According to a search warrant filed later by Virginia state police, they took chain, a folding knife, a combination padlock, a computer, assorted books, documents, notepads, writings, a tool box, compact discs, a digital camera, keys, a Citibank statement, and six sheets of green graph paper.

Other officers walked the halls of Harper with a photograph of Mr.

Cho, asking students if they knew him.

They were all rattled.

This is the residence hall where Mr.

Cho lived, not Ambler Johnston.

What if he had rampaged through here with his guns?

The police went to work tracing Mr.

Cho's movements.

They found out that on Feb.

9 he went to JND Pawn Brokers to buy one of the guns he would use.

It was a Walther .22-caliber pistol, relatively inexpensive, commonly used for target shooting.

From then until days before the shooting, he traveled to nearby stores to buy ammunition.

On March 16, he went to Roanoke Firearms and paid $571 for a Glock 19 and a box of 50 cartridges.

Days later, a larger clue would come from NBC News and Mr.

Cho himself.

At 9:01 Monday morning, before going to Norris Hall, Mr.

Cho sent an Express Mail package...